17th of September.
2 years ago on this date I planned a suprise Buka Puasa for Husna together with Wan.
I should remember this date because eventually after we came back from the Buka Puasa something happened that even if it makes me a sore loser, it is hard to forget.
So today, this year, is very emotional for me. Last year it wasn't this hard, but this year it is.
Last week me and Husna got into rows, it risks the friendship and trust so I believed there's no way I can make it mend. I admitted it was my fault but on my defence there's always two sides of a story. So even if it makes me the sinner and she's the saint or vice versa, I believed no apologies can ever make things reverted.
I am quite upset that after what happened between both of us, she kind of stopped having relationship with people around me. I'd like to remind her that they are at no fault, I was. But I guess she's wise enough to think about that by herself. Plus after what we said to each other the other day, I don't see why she should listen to me anymore.
I admitted what Raja said, that I still care to even have rows with her is because we both still care for each other. Others, they are just too tired and sick. But I don't. Because whatever happened, I am living myself with the past, what good times we had together and bad turns we went together.
I want to be able to tell my children whose shoulder I cried on and whose laughter I shared with and not having them clueless of who the hell I'm talking about.
I am so tired of hating even when I think to hate it makes me sick. I just want to die peacefully knowing that I come clean to everyone.
I know she said it takes several years to build trust; but only a second to ruin it, but this is me letting go of my ego and hope that even if things will never be like what it use to be, at least she forgives me.
Because I do.
2 comments:
that is sweet of you
but u know for me
what is past, it is past
if not we wont be living in this peaceful world of ours
u have to admit also.
we(me and u) do have some disagree and yes, we have scream to each other more than once,
but we could still be friends until now. most probably we just moved on with our life
there is no prize for winning the battles.maybe self satisfaction but more than that it just ruined the friendship.
i guess i'm the person who just let things flow along the side.
i get angry all the time, but it just take me a few hours to calm down.
it is hard to see you to let go of your own ego. but i'm proud of you.
at least you're becoming more matured and aware.
kind of long comment from me. which rarely happened. but above all thing, i'm happy i cross the path with you along. maybe sometimes i do regret(hhahaha) but mostly i'm blessed with your appearance in my life.
THANK YOU AZHANI!muwaaaahhh...
I havent been with either both of u for quite some time to know what happened and to what extent. So I can't give any comment on it.
All i can say is most people do forgive but won't forget. It is important not to forget so that same thing won't happen again. But it is MORE important to forgive. So I hope both of u take some time to let it cool down and patch things up.
Some things meant to happen to anyone. Between friends, couple, siblings and even with our parents. Then should we end all our relationship with everyone? It is such a waste to let go of such a great friendship because of it.
So I hope in the spirit of this Raya..u both can forgive each other and continue to make more precious memories in ur friendship. Because the fact is good friends that went thru thick n thin with u is just hard to find. And I know u both went thru a lot and be at each others side.
I hope chuna will read this too.
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