Rindu Yang Tidak Berpenghujung

We lost our dearly Ayah Chik last Saturday.
It felt surreal.
Perhaps because we just lost Ayah Ngah 9 months ago, even that is not processed yet.
The whole 18 hours of witnessing his last moments keep on playing in me head on repeat.

I was on half day leave on Friday, was supposed to accompany Yan to pick up her SCKLM kit in KL.
We were having lunch at Lubuk Bangku when Mama called.
Asking me to go visit Ayah Chik promptly because his condition was getting worst.

Ayah Chik was already in CVSKL for about one week but NOT ONE of us actually visited him because we thought... nothing was serious.
But clearly we didn't know better.

He laid flat in the ICU, there were about 20 doctors and nurses around him.
One of the nurses was even standing on the bed reassuring herself could apply most pressure on Ayah Chik's chest.
We were told to leave the ICU.
The doctor told us that it's not looking good.

Soon the ICU waiting room is filled with more and more familiar faces.
From Zohor to Asar to Maghrib to Isyak, we just couldn't leave.
We took turns to sit on the floor, stood near the elevator, slept on the couch.
From babies to elderly.
Mama and Ayah arrived from Terengganu.
No one is allowed in the ICU, but we still wait outside.

12am, 28th September 2019, the doctor let everyone in the ICU.
There was nothing else they could do.
All we can do is to be next to him and be with him.

We saw the BP dropping.. from 80 to 50.. to 40..
We were so tired, we took turns to take a nap..
10, 20, 30 minutes

6am.. we all prayed subuh.. I was done first, so I went to his room
There were only Abe, JJ, CikBi.. and we saw his BP dropped...
Abe stopped whispering to his ears, he just stood there, clueless and still
"Sejuk.. tak ada darah.. sejuk.." he said that a few times..
And then a nurse came "dia dah nak takde dah ni.."

he looked so peaceful, not at all struggling during his last breaths..
I stood back.. in the corner of the room, couldn't hold my tears as I saw one by one coming in the room
and in a blink of an eye the room is filled with people who loved him dearly...
and whom he has loved his entire life
BP still dropping.. from 19..18...
the doctor declared the time, 6.30 am, 28th September 2019.

We lost him.
It still feels so surreal.

We miss you Ayah Chik.
We miss all your antics.
We Love you.

Coincidence

"If Tom had learned anything... it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence. Tom had finally learned there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now. Tom was... he was pretty sure."

500 Days of Summer.

This too shall pass.

World Cup 2018

So world Cup is back. and as usual, my body clock gone haywire and all, but not so usual that Germany exit on group stage! man..i was so heartbroken..

But it doesn't stop there. Well football goes on, so I continue watching with no particular favourite. wishing Germany is still here haha.

And... I do not only miss Germany team. It's so different. I don't feel belong here. it's not the same. Not to mention that Italy is not in the tournament at all. Germany departed earlier. And so many familiar faces have retired.

man growing up is so hard. I have always laughed at my mother everytime she said "my favourite is rud gulit" mom that is so yesterday.. but now i get it.

I miss Shweinsteiger, Podolski, Lahm, Iker Casillas, Diego Forlan, Marchisio, PIRLOOOOO, Totti, Buffon (to name a few...) it's so harddddd

Ahh..life goes on..

Haram

Not a big fan of lagu lagu mainstream tapi lagu ni memang Lit.

Lagu ni sesuai untuk orang yang ada hubungan sejenis, hubungan dengan suami orang, hubungan hubungan terlarang.

Rasa macam nak bagi dekat semua yang I tau ada hubungan hubungan terlarang ni haha

Still Here, Guys

I have a problem with people telling others don't do something they have never done before.

If you have never been to some place, don't tell others "Don't go there" for a fear that you read online / heard from someone (who most probably read somewhere/heard from someone too).

If people want to travel, let them travel and tell the tale. You, have no right to stop them (or make them feel bad about it).

True Love

It all started here

and ends here

It was good while it lasted, but I think I found my closure.

You have no idea how much this whole thing has shifted my life in a way that I could never imagine.

How much money I have spent, how much time I have sacrificed, how many friends I have made.

Those are the moments that will forever live in my mind.

And while they are still good, with a heavy heart I think I'm saying goodbye. 

Cinta itu membebaskan. Jika ia kembali. Itulah cinta sejati.

#tanyaje

not having work to do, got me facebookwalking

facebookwalking got me stalking random fb

stalking random fb got me thinking about this question.

ever since this blog started in 2008, i haven't stopped thinking/talking about marriage/wedding.

I guess it won't stop until I finally have one.

But the question is,