Sacrifice for Raya Haji

With the new schedule coming around it's so hard for me to juggle my time between the odd working hours and the so many leaves I have to take to attend people's weddings.

And so it happens so many of my so close and beloved ones got married in this near 3 weeks, with Kak Ewie on this Raya Haji, followed by Piyie 2 weeks later, on the same date with my beloved Rumet, which extends till 13th and Amad on 25th.

When the new shift schedule comes out I have to pick which of the wedding I have to sacrifice because I have to work on weekends, so I told Mama I may not be able to make it to Johor on Piyie's wedding day but I'll be back to Kota Bharu for the groom side, which I think is more important since that is our side.

And you can hear that disappointment in Mama's tone I can't afford to listen so the first thing I did today is to find someone to replace my shift on that day.

I can never make my mother happy. My job is not making her happy, my relationship status is not making her happy, my choice of living, my income, the car I chose to drive, the way I chose to manage my time, the clothes I chose to wear, never will make her happy. So this time maybe I may.

As much as I was happy not being able to attend a family affair which sometimes breaks my heart because my uncles, aunties and cousins really know how to humiliate me with all the 'bila lagi 'things, asking me in front of people, condemning me with saying things like 'nobody wants you because you're fat', you know, joking poking like its so funny HA-HA, and because I am hardcore like that, I have to smile and pretend the jokes are all funny HA-HA let's laugh HA-HA

But Piyie is not at fault, Piyie is a very nice cousin and he'll be there no matter what and so I will too, so I'm sacrifing being happy when I can.

I wish I can tell them to leave me alone but I guess I'm not that hardcore.
I wish I am really hardcore.

Something good will come along, will come along, will come along.